Monday, March 28, 2011

My Story.

Growing up I was constantly the target of people’s cruel words and acts.  Middle School was probably the worst time of my life.  I was shy, had some friends, but not a solid group, and most of the time got along with the teachers better than with my peers. I had my lunch stolen from me for a month before I finally broke down at home and told my parents what was happening.  Obviously it got taken care of, but I probably can’t even count the amount of times I was in and out of the guidance counselor’s office for the next couple years. I will always remember the group of girls that made my life a living hell those 4 years. I also had an incident where two boys came up to me after school, one held me and the other one punched me in the stomach.

With the exception of that incident I was never physically hurt, but it is often said that words can be a lot more hurtful than a punch in the face.  At least to me they were.  I got blamed for things I never did or participated in, I got my personal belongings destroyed, and my pride went out the window.  I used to have a “stomach ache” almost every day in gym when the one girl was in my class because I was so terrified that if I participated that she would make comments about me.  Eventually those girls got over themselves and I got a lot of help from teachers and my family.  But, then there was high school.

High school is the ultimate test of how strong you can really be and how far you can be pushed.  Because of everything that happened in middle school, I was extremely self-conscious and was always beating myself up about how I looked and how “fat” I thought I was.  I was always just looking for someone that would care a little bit about me.  I had friends, I had best friends, some of which I am still really close with, and of course I had boyfriends.  The boyfriends cheated, or got what they wanted and then left.  The friends talked behind my back, and ganged up with other people and I would sit by myself at lunch for weeks at a time.

After all of this, I came to the conclusion that girls are vicious beings and most guys are pigs.  High school really gave me a chance to see people’s true colors and who my real friends are.  At this point in my life, I put on a front as if I don’t care what people think, but really I do but I am so numb to it by now, only a really big thing will bring out all of the emotions I hide inside.  But, even with those occasional breakdowns, I now have a boyfriend who loves me no matter what and I have friends that are always there when I need them. Bullying can be extremely traumatizing for people.  For me, I stuck it out, and I realized who my true friends were and who I couldn’t trust.  Others can’t handle the stress of it.
For my next couple of blogs I will be sharing other people’s stories of when they were bullied and I am hoping people can comment on them about their feelings about it as well as how you may have dealt with a situation like the ones shared.  I am really hoping people will read this and we can start eliminating, little by little, the nasty words and acts that people do and say towards each other.


  1. thank you Ashley for so personally cutting right to the issue to shed light in such a dark place...I look forward to what others have to share.

  2. I'm new to EmmeNation, and just finished reading your story. I can't leave without posting a few words of thanks to you, Ashley, for sharing your experience. I see it's been a few months since your blog was posted, but I'm hoping it's never too late to refresh the topic and keep it on the forefront of our minds. I had a similar experience during my school days, and I still haven't fully recovered emotionally. I'll be 41 next month, so that's too many years of carrying the hurt. I do realize that it's up to me to heal myself. The point I'd like to make is that words and actions, so frivolous on someone else's part, can make such a painful and lasting impact on one's sense of self worth and dignity.
    My hope is that some day soon, there will be more of an awareness of bullying behavior, and zero-tolerance and teaching of empathy will be a part of daily life for all of us. It needs to be a prominent topic at home, and at school, starting in pre-school, and part of the curriculum all the way to high school. Reading, 'Riting, 'Rithmatic, Respect. Sounds great to me!